about a week ago my team and i did a trust-building exercise which included one blind man (me, in my red, makeshift blindfold) being led by two girls (one deafened by noise canceling headphones and the other mute). we left our starting place, with our given disabilities, completed the first challenge of filling up a water bottle, and the three teams made their separate ways towards a court. as i was dragged along by my two teammates i cautiously followed their lead, feeling the sun on my face, and the contrast of cool shadows. i was holding back, fearing they would lead me off a set of stairs or into a wall. all my other senses were amplified, my body’s way of groping its way towards safety and survival, discerning its surroundings or any unbeknownst harm. the sense i most desperately depended on was gone for now, and i reasoned with my natural instincts fighting against this impairment why i should be trusting these two ladies leading me through places i’d never blindly explored.
i shot a basketball and made it into a hoop with a bit of direction from my teammates, and lots of cackles as commentary from the ones who still blessedly possessed their sight. we turned around and started making our way to the end of our course with more velocity and urgency than before. ending our fast walking, and my reluctance, we started running, racing ahead of the other two teams in a means to snatch the W. although the only prize awarded would be pride and boasting based on nothing but the completion of a game significant to no one. basically, our endeavors were entirely futile and unimportant, but still we raced ahead!
as we were running i contemplated if i could fully trust the guidance of these two momentarily impaired specimens holding my hands and running ahead of me. i reasoned with my logical mind, “if they’re ahead of me surely i can trust them. they won’t take me where they can’t go. if they’re running then i can run. i just need to surrender!”. i let out an unsure, but positive laugh, threw up my mind’s hands and submitted to the full speed of my team. “i just gotta surrender and trust” i thought. “this is just like running with Jesus! i just need to trust His guidance wherever He leads! even if i can’t see where He’s leading me at all, or let alone see Him!” i started to become elated at the feeling of running, absolutely blind, fully given over to their leadership. fully trusting i could just keep running with them, following them, whilst they were communicating with me using none other than their hands to pull me along. what could i have to worry about? where they go, i can go, right? the partner on my right side dipped behind me, as if we were running at a pace too ambitious, and puts her hand on my back.
we kept running, and instantly i felt it.. my right foot planted on the very edge of the curb i had unknowingly been running along, and spilled off the edge and into the street as my entire foot inverted 60 degrees or more. i came crashing to the ground, my dreams and blind elation along with me, and still holding the hand of the girl on my left.
everything slowed to a speed only an injury or a heartbreak can halt life to. after a few seconds of writhing in pain, still in shock from what had just happened and without awareness of the real severity, i stood up, still blindfolded and eager to finish the “race”. i was greeted by the compassion of my team leader, who took off my blindfold and i realized how beat up i was. my knees were scraped and streaming blood in multiple places, my right ankle and foot was in pretty severe pain and my left big toe was swimming in a pool of its own blood collecting in my sandals. “oh frick.. this actually really sucks..” i said, as we limped over to the building ahead of us. they grabbed me some bandages and alcohol pads and i cleaned the bad wounds off as the girls winced. i stuck bandaids to my big toe as it continued to gush blood. assessing the surface wounds and scrapes, then wiggling my right foot to survey the severity. i started to cry as the pain settled in. i definitely rolled my ankle, but something felt worse. we walked upstairs to the dimly lit lobby as the rest of the team rolled in. i laid down on the floor, elevating my foot on a chair and putting my hands over my head. i starting weeping a little harder as i evaluated what this injury might mean for the next few months. as i mulled over the condition of my body and the unfortunate series of events which had just taken place, my team debriefed the “trust-building” activity we just finished. i held in my tears, attempting to maintain my toughness and reputation as an elder brother of the majority of my team.
we were dismissed and walked out of the building. i turned around and told the two team girls who were leading me i forgive them. i limped over to an old doorless jeep truck driven by a kind dude with the dirtiest mullet i’d probably ever seen. he let me hop in his truck and drove me up to my room. i thanked him, hobbled over to my door, came in and sat down in the red, floral, sweat-soaked armchair, still in shock. i sat there with my foot elevated as the pain and sadness set in even deeper. i called my best friend over 2,000 miles away, broke back into tears and wept harder than i have all year, telling him the story of what just went down. after we hung up i made a home-made foot hammock in my bottom bunk bed and rested the entire weekend, reading and nursing my ailments.
i went about the following week as usual, only this time with a bum foot i was carefully walking on, and a lot more emotional burden than usual, feeling isolated and unable to do the things i love to do. by Friday something was still very wrong with my foot so i insisted my team leader take me in for an x-ray. i got my results back and was burdened to hear the news.. broken.. my foot is broken. an avulsion fracture of the 5th metatarsal. something common with sprains. my tendon literally pulled a piece of my bone off.. this sucks.
i’m sure the Lord has something to teach me in this, maybe a miraculous healing, or a lesson in rest, or maybe just a very harsh humbling of the inner man. maybe a sort of refiners fire, pulling out the impurities and dross in my spirit, refining my character and sanctifying me as one refines fine gold in a furnace….
stay tuned
“He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.”
Malachi 3:3 ESV
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV
thank you for reading.
sincerely, sonblind
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